healthier, more supportive self-talk

If you tuned into my last email, I talked about the inner critic: that voice inside your head that points out what’s wrong or tells you you’re not good enough. 

We all have one. It’s a survival mechanism that’s rooted deep in our evolutionary past to keep us safe from perceived danger. In today’s world, that voice often oversteps its job description, keeping us stuck in fear, hesitation, or second-guessing. Not exactly the most helpful.

So how do you manage it?

Ask your inner critic what it needs:

While it may sound a little odd, our thoughts and feelings are often little nudges pointing to something in our life that needs care and attention. If you shut the voice down or ignore it completely, you silence an important messenger. And that messenger is often pointing toward something you need: reassurance, safety, boundaries, clarity, or maybe just permission to rest.

The tricky part is that the message isn’t always obvious. “I’m procrastinating” might really mean “I’m afraid to fail.” “I can’t focus” might mean “I’m stretched too thin.” “I’m anxious” might mean “This feels uncertain.” You catch my drift.

When we tackle superficial issues instead of the underlying causes, our problems never fully get solved and can become patterns that keep repeating until we identify and learn from them. Instead, pause and ask yourself: What do I need right now? Sometimes, just giving that voice a little airtime (without letting it take the wheel) allows it to quiet down and allows you to refocus your energy on what’s most important.

Look for historic evidence to challenge it: 

When doubt kicks in (my go-to has always been the “I’m not good enough” narrative), I ask myself:

Where are the times I truly wasn’t good enough?

When did I actually fail and not recover?

When did the terrible thing I’m afraid of actually happen?

Nine times out of ten, you’ll notice the fear/doubt is louder than the facts. And once you see the holes in the story, it loses some of its power.

Start noticing which thoughts are helpful vs. hurtful: 

Writing them down can help. Then, before taking them as truth, pause and ask: Do I know this is absolutely true? What else could be true? If your critic says, “I’m not ready,” the reframe might be, “I’m learning, and that’s part of being ready.” 

Often, the voices in our head are not the full story. Rather than being at the mercy of our passing thoughts and fears, practicing discernment can be really helpful.

Focus on action, not perfection:

Taking action—even small steps—can be the most effective way to build confidence and quiet the inner critic. Waiting for perfect conditions often means waiting indefinitely. 

And finally, don’t forget to be kind to yourself. You’re doing your best, and that’s already enough. Over time, this rewiring helps your brain form healthier, more supportive patterns.

If this struck a chord, and you’d like support in shifting your self-talk, I’d love to connect.

Just reply to this email. I’d love to hear from you. :)