when the going gets tough
“When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” A phrase my dad used to say and one of his many nuggets of wisdom. Dad, if you’re reading this (which I know you are): thank you! 😉
When we hear the word “mental toughness,” it’s easy to imagine someone who’s steady no matter what—calm, unshaken, unaffected. But that’s not always real life. When the going gets tough, most of us don’t immediately “get going.” We stumble. We stress. We get discouraged.
Mental strength isn’t about being immune to life’s challenges. It’s about adapting, learning, and finding a way to bounce back—even through adversity. It’s choosing to stay true to being your best self, even when faced with difficult circumstances or negative people, without slipping into pessimism or self-limiting beliefs.
We don’t always get to choose our circumstances. But we do get to choose the meaning we assign to them—and who we become because of them.
Here are a few ways to help you bounce back stronger:
Write down your problem as if it’s halfway solved: Start by writing down your current problem or struggle. Then, write the “after” version: how you worked through it, what you learned, and where you landed. Sometimes your brain just needs a glimpse of the finish line to see the next step. This simple exercise activates your brain’s problem-solving networks and strengthens them over time.
Turn off the “spotlight complex”: We tend to believe everyone’s noticing our mistakes. Truth? Most people are too focused on their own lives and are paying far less attention to us than we think.
Forget what happened and focus on how you’ll move forward: Sometimes, it’s hard to let go of the past because there is some wisdom we are supposed to learn from it. Instead, reflect from what went wrong and figure out how to integrate that lesson into your future life. Allow your experiences to shape and guide you by finding within them the lesson.
Challenge either/or thinking: Losing a job doesn’t mean you’re a failure. A breakup doesn’t mean you’ll never find love again. Polarized thinking creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. Life is rarely black-and-white. Instead, practice holding the “gray space” where other possibilities exist.
Identify your weak points: Identify the areas where you could invite support, and be open to asking for help. Also remember there are areas where you already shine and likely don’t need input or guidance. Learning to lean on others makes growth feel much more doable.
Remember, your only benchmark is you: Your journey is unique. When you focus on what everyone else has or how fast they’re moving, you risk overlooking your most important asset: yourself. Celebrate small wins, set your own benchmarks, and measure progress by your own standards.
If you think about it, mental strength looks a lot less like “never wavering” and a lot more like meeting yourself honestly in the moment, then choosing what’s next with intention.
