when the going gets tough
‘When the going gets tough, the tough get going.’ A familiar phrase about digging deep when life gets hard. Yet, when the going gets tough, most of us don’t immediately “get going.” We stumble. We stress. We get discouraged.
We often imagine mental strength as being calm, steady, and unshaken by life’s challenges. But that’s not always real life, and holding ourselves to it only creates pressure, frustration, and disappointment when we don’t bounce back as quickly as we hoped.
Real strength looks a lot more human and a lot less perfect. It’s about adapting, learning, and finding a way to bounce back—even through adversity. It’s choosing to stay true to being your best self, even when faced with difficult circumstances or negative people, without slipping into pessimism or self-limiting beliefs. Sometimes, easier said than done.
We don’t always get to choose our circumstances. But we do get to choose the meaning we assign to them—and who we become because of them.
Here are a few ways to help you bounce back stronger next time:
Challenge either/or thinking: Losing a job doesn’t mean you’re a failure. A breakup doesn’t mean you’ll never find love again. Polarized thinking creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. Life is rarely black-and-white. Instead, practice holding the “gray space” where other possibilities exist.
Turn off the “spotlight complex”: We tend to believe everyone’s noticing our mistakes. The truth? Most people are too focused on their own lives and are paying far less attention to us than we think.
Release what happened and focus on how you’ll move forward: Sometimes it’s hard to let go of the past because there is wisdom we are meant to learn from it. Instead, reflect on what went wrong and figure out how to integrate that lesson into your future life. Allow your experiences to shape and guide you by finding the lesson within them.
Identify your weak points: Notice the areas where you could invite support, and be open to asking for help. Also remember the areas where you already shine and likely don’t need input or guidance. Learning to lean on others makes tough things feel much more doable.
Remember, your only benchmark is you: Your journey is unique. When you focus on what everyone else has or how fast they’re moving, you risk overlooking your most important asset: yourself. Celebrate small wins, set your own benchmarks, and measure progress by your own standards.
If you think about it, mental strength looks a lot less like “never wavering” and a lot more like meeting yourself honestly in the moment, then choosing what’s next with intention.
